Help! I don't know how to retire early with a partner! (Soledad Says #8)Mar 12, 2022
Dear Independent Woman,
Thanks so much for reaching out and asking this question. Learning to build financial security as a BIPOC, woman, and/or a LGBTQ+ person is already a struggle so figuring out how to build wealth with a partner can be even more challenging!
I appreciate that you shared how you are feeling nervous about opening a joint account due to past negative experiences. It takes self-awareness to acknowledge your feelings and vulnerability to share them with others. I'm proud of you for honoring your thoughts and feelings and reaching out to get support. You are so brave and courageous!
To be completely honest, I've struggled with having a joint account with husbae myself. Being raised by a single mother and also witnessing how machismo made many women financially dependent on their partners, made me want to NEVER have to rely on someone else financially. I took a lot of pride in working multiple jobs in my early twenties to cover my bills, my wants, and even have enough money to help loved ones. I always wanted to be...
However, that all started to change when I got pregnant with my first child. Due to pregnancy complications, I had to be put on bed rest and for the first time since I was 16 years old, I could not work. It took a lot of reflecting to start to embrace an identity other than "financially independent."
Looking back, I can see that my brain struggled to adapt to multiple changes at once. I did not know back then how to calm my nervous brain. Instead, I allowed my brain to continue to think about all the reasons having a joint account and relying on husbae was not a good idea. As you can imagine, this created tension within my relationship since husbae felt I didn't trust him and thought I considered him unreliable.
Though I can guide you to determine the amount of money to keep in joint accounts, I want to let you know that what is most important is learning how to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Once you know how to share and LISTEN to your partner, making financial decisions as a couple is going to feel more neutral.
How does that make you feel? What thoughts come to mind? I know a past version of myself would think "Ain't nobody got time for that" or "NOPE, it's easier to just manage my own money." And depending on the day, I sometimes still think those things. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So instead of just giving you some blanket advice that may or may not apply to you, I want to invite you to attend my "Build Financial Security with Bae" workshop on Wednesday, March 30, 2022 at 6pm PST/ 9pm EST.
In this workshop, I will teach you the same communication techniques I've been learning in couples therapy so you can have a model that will make talking dinero with your partner easier for years to come. And of course we will also talk about joint checking accounts, joint savings accounts, and joint investment accounts.
I'm proud of you. You are choosing to develop new skills and you are evolving poco a poco. The world needs more of you!
Todo con tiempo,
P.S. Starting March 18th, I am taking new clients again! Fill out an application to work 1:1 conmigo here, so we can schedule a 45 minute complimentary call to ensure that I'm the right financial coach for you.